fear, international adoption, + learning from martyrs.

I’ve been thinking a lot about fear. Fear of letting go of comforts. Fear of being judged. Fear of failure. Fear of being a hypocrite. Fear of missing out on the story God is writing. Fear of shouting too loudly. Fear of being too quiet. Fear of risking it all. Fear of losing it all. Fear of succumbing to fear.

Fear is a tricky thing.

By now, you’ve probably heard about the struggle than an American couple had/is having to finalize their adoption in Ghana. (If not, you can read about it here.) The things they’ve experienced (and probably are still experiencing) are scary, to say the least.

As soon as I found out that the family was getting detained, I shared a call for others to get on their knees + pray for everyone involved.

Fear reared its ugly head.

I heard these things about international adoption from people I love:

"It’s not even worth it."

"Don’t you know this could have happened to you?!"

"International adoption just isn’t safe!"

I can tell you right now, with tears in my eyes, that it is worth it. It could have happened to me. And yes, this life isn’t safe. But we still step forward.

The Creator, and his created, are worth every sacrifice.And from experience, when awful things happen (and they will, because we live in a broken world), it is not the end. I’m just 24, and I have so much to learn, but something that I’m learning is that despite it all, the abundant blessings + joys that come from obedience and love is just…incredible.

I recently learned about Perpetua and Felicity, young women who were martyred in Rome in the third century. Their stories are incredible, and they exemplify courage.

In the year 203, Vibia Perpetua made the decision to become a Christian, although she knew it could mean her death during Septimus’ persecution.

Her father was frantic with worry and tried to talk her out of her decision. At 22 years old, this well-educated, high-spirited woman had every reason to want to live — including a baby son who was still nursing. We know she was married, but since her husband is never mentioned, many historians assume she was a widow.

Perpetua’s answer was simple and clear. Pointing to a water jug, she asked her father, “See that pot lying there? Can you call it by any other name than what it is?”

Her father answered, “Of course not.” Perpetua responded, “Neither can I call myself by any other name than what I am — a Christian.”

This answer so upset her father that he attacked her. Perpetua reports that after that incident she was glad to be separated from him for a few days — even though that separation was the result of her arrest and imprisonment.

Perpetua was arrested with Felicity, who was her slave.

The prison was so crowded with people that the heat was suffocating. There was no light anywhere and Perpetua “had never known such darkness.” The guards were violent. Perpetua had no trouble admitting she was very afraid, but in the midst of all this horror her most excruciating pain came from being separated from her baby.

Felicity was even worse off for Felicity suffered the stifling heat, overcrowding, and rough handling while being eight months pregnant.

Two deacons who ministered to the prisoners paid the guards so that the martyrs would be put in a better part of the prison. When she received permission for her baby to stay with her "my prison suddenly became a palace for me. Once more her father came to her, begging her to give in, kissing her hands, and throwing himself at her feet. She told him, "We lie not in our own power but in the power of God."

When she and the others were taken to be examined and sentenced, her father followed, pleading with her and the judge. The judge, out of pity, also tried to get Perpetua to change her mind, but when she stood fast, she was sentenced with the others to be thrown to the wild beasts in the arena.

Felicity was also in torment. It was against the law for pregnant women to be executed. To kill a child in the womb was shedding innocent and sacred blood. Felicity was afraid that she would not give birth before the day set for their martyrdom. Her friends also didn’t want to leave such “good a comrade” behind.

Two days before the execution, Felicity went into labor. Felicity said, “Now I’m the one who is suffering, but in the arena Another will be in me suffering for me because I will be suffering for him.”

She gave birth to a healthy girl who was adopted and raised by one of the Christian women of Carthage.

The Christians and their teacher went to the arena with joy and calm. Perpetua in usual high spirits met the eyes of everyone along the way. Ancient writings say she walked with "shining steps as the true wife of Christ, the darling of God."

The women were stripped to face a rabid cow. Perpetua and Felicity were thrown back into the arena so roughly that they were bruised and hurt. Perpetua, though confused and distracted, still was thinking of others and went to help Felicity up. The two of them stood side by side as their throats were cut.

Perpetua’s last words were to her brother: “Stand fast in the faith and love one another.” 

[Story shortened from an abridged telling here. I suggest reading her journal entries yourself.]

Wow.

Actually, I think that deserves another wow.

And maybe one more for good measure.

Wow.

Puts things in perspective.

In the midst of such atrocities, in the middle of violence and agony, there is peace. We are refined by fire, and the picture of what losing your life to gain it is becoming so much more clear.

Not succumbing to fear doesn’t mean not having any, it means trusting something — someone — far greater. Not having trust in the what, where, or why, but having trust in the who. And seeing sacrificial love as an honor. A privilege.

Risking everything the world holds high isn’t logical. It doesn’t make sense. The world [and so many in the Church] asks, why? Why spend all of your money, time, emotions, status on something someone not guaranteed? Why travel somewhere unsafe? Why adopt children when you can have a baby? Why bother with racial differences? Why? Why? Why?

I love what Jesus says to his disciples in John 14 when they’re asking him so many of whys:

“If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever—the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”

Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, “But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?”

Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. Anyone who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.

“All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. [John 14:1-27, NIV, emphasis mine]

Doesn’t Jesus address so many of our fears? God is with us. God doesn’t give as the world gives. Some people won’t understand. Don’t let our hearts be troubled. Don’t be afraid. Obey. Follow him. He is here, he is mysterious, and he is good.

Like so many other life-altering experiences (marriage, divorce, disease, accidents, birth, death) international adoption addresses fear head-on.

When Jonny and I reflect on our experience with international/transracial adoption, so many intense emotions, memories, and fears are drudged up from that deep place inside of ourselves that rarely sees the light of day in polite conversation.

And through all of the tears, the fights, the past, present and future fears, I look at my son, toddling out of his bedroom, still in a nap-induced haze, with big eyes and a smile as he runs toward me with open arms.

Yes, he is worth it.

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.

When down-and-outers get a break, cheer! And when the arrogant rich are brought down to size, cheer! Prosperity is as short-lived as a wildflower, so don’t ever count on it. You know that as soon as the sun rises, pouring down its scorching heat, the flower withers. Its petals wilt and, before you know it, that beautiful face is a barren stem. Well, that’s a picture of the “prosperous life.” At the very moment everyone is looking on in admiration, it fades away to nothing.

Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.

Don’t let anyone under pressure to give in to evil say, “God is trying to trip me up.” God is impervious to evil, and puts evil in no one’s way. The temptation to give in to evil comes from us and only us. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of our own lust. Lust gets pregnant, and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood, and becomes a real killer.

So, my very dear friends, don’t get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures. [james 1:1-18, the message, emphasis mine]

making adoption affordable.

Jonny, Joseph and I spent the day around Iowa with Congressman Bruce Braley, who played a big part in helping Joseph come home.

(Click the link above or go here to see the video.)

Braley announced the Make Adoption Affordable Act today.

The bill will be introduced in Congress next week and will expand + extend the current $12,360 adoption tax credit, which is set to expire this year.

Finances can be are a huge obstacle to adopting. It’s pretty safe to say that most families who adopt make a lot of financial sacrifices (which are 100 percent worth it!), and this act would definitely be a huge help.

We try to be very conscious about details of Joseph’s story and respecting his privacy, and we felt comfortable sharing a bit of how we became a family in support of the adoption credit.

The day began with a small conference in my parents’ living room at their house in Waterloo. It was an early morning, but Joseph woke up everyone by pretending my lapel mic was Chapstick. Where does he come up with this stuff?! He was a natural with the mic and wooed the cameras — such an extrovert when he wants to be!

Jonny, Kayla and Joseph Craig interview.

I’m used to being the interviewer, not the interviewee. Awkward!

Luckily, if you know me, you know I like to talk. And there’s not much I like to talk more about than Joseph. Here’s the story about the Make Adoption Affordable Act from the WCF Courier. KWWL also ran a story about the bill, which you can catch here.

Our next stop was in Cedar Rapids, where our little man was so well-behaved! Proud Mama right here. Here’s the story from KGAN — the end almost made me cry. How perfect is that exchange of looks between Joseph & Jonny?

Our last stop was Des Moines! Joseph was tired (OK, we all were) but still cute as ever (I can’t say the same for myself). It was held at the library’s central campus, and WHO-TV ran a story tonight (not online yet — sorry!). My old stomping grounds, The Des Moines Register, was there, too, so maybe we’ll see a little something in the paper tomorrow.

I hope that we were able to be an OK representation of the many families who foster + adopt. I hope that the bill leads to more loving families for the many waiting kids in our state, country, and world.

Adoption: Movement or Trend?

This post is pulled from Megan Hyatt Miller’s blog. You can see it in it’s original state here. I particularly like her 4th and 5th points.

While talking with a friend about our adoption recently, she made a comment that adoption just seemed so trendy—all these upper-middle class families running around with their brown babies talking about hundreds of millions of orphans, minus one.

From the outside looking in, it appeared to be the “new thing.” She wasn’t being critical of my family, just making an observation of something she saw happening in the community where we live.

I started to wonder, is adoption just another trendy way to brand yourself as a cool Christian, or is God moving within his church, calling people to respond to the Gospel in large numbers?

Here are a few reason why I believe adoption isn’t just the latest fad, but points to larger movement:

1. There is a difference between a trend and something that is “trendy.”

To be sure, there is an adoption trend within the Christian community in the sense that a trend is anything that a large number of people do at the same time. But, a “trend” is not the same as “trendy.” Trendy implies something that is the fashion of the moment. Here today, gone tomorrow.

2. Adoption is not a new idea, but Christians are finally starting to take the biblical mandate to care for orphans seriously.

The idea of adopting orphaned children comes directly from our example of our adoption in Christ. It is not a new idea. When we adopt orphans, we are simply imitating Christ, giving a family and a birthright to a child who previously had none, just as Christ did with us.

Thanks to people like Jason Kovacs and Dan Cruver, co-authors of Reclaiming Adoption, the connection between horizontal and vertical adoption is being brought to the forefront in a new way.

Moreover, Christians are taking the biblical mandate to care for orphans to heart.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.—James 1:27

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come for you.—John 14:18

3. Now, more than ever, Christians place a premium on alleviating the suffering of others.

Christians, conservative and liberal alike, are now more aware of global suffering than ever before, and they are doing something about it. Books like, The Hole in Our Gospel and Radical, have inspired us to enter in to the sufferings of others and give our lives away for the sake of the Kingdom. Whether that means opening our homes or our wallets, we are doing it in large numbers.

4. Transracial adoption reminds us of what the Kingdom of God looks like.

As I wrote here, racial diversity, whether in a family or in a church community, speaks of the way we were meant to live—as one. As my friend, Pastor Chris Williamson says, we are one, but not the same. In other words, diversity is beautiful, diversity points to the restoration of all things. Division, hatred and segregation are plagues of a fallen world.

Reconciliation among nations, tribes, and skin colors is God’s kingdom come (again, Pastor Chris). As recently as 30 or 40 years ago, transracial adoption would have been scandalous. Now, it is one way God is breaking down historic walls of separation.

5. Those interested in being “cool” are quickly weeded out by the process.

Finally, if you want to adopt because it’s the trendy thing to do, you won’t last long. Speaking personally, it is the hardest thing I have ever done. The waiting and uncertainty are excruciating, but our boys are worth it all.

I have yet to meet anyone who completed an adoption for the wrong reasons. I’m sure they are out there, but everyone I have met has been profoundly moved by the Gospel mandate to love in a way that costs them everything.

loving your kids from here

LOVING YOUR KIDS FROM HERE

This morning during church I began to pray for two of my friends who are in this adoption process.  God brought their families to my heart and I think it’s because they are both about to experience one of the most gut-wrenching things anyone can experience.  They are both about to live their lives here while their kids are there.  It is unexplainable to anyone that hasn’t endured this before.  You can not even begin to understand the pain in your heart, chest and stomach each time you leave your babies and come back to what you call home all while leaving them in what they call home.  Your two worlds are so separate but yet they are so intertwined.

To my friends Kimberly and Jen (and all you others that will meet your kids and then have to leave them until the time is right for them to come home) I want you to know that I get it.  I have felt the pain you are feeling.  It might be one of the most hurtful times of my life.  My heart may not have hurt as much as it hurt each time I had to kiss my babies goodbye and go back to my “regular” life.

I will tell you that no one will get it, but don’t be mad at them for not getting it.  Your friends (that haven’t done this) will nod at your stories and smile, but their hearts have not felt what yours did.  Don’t be mad at them.  When you get home and life keeps moving past you and all you can think about are your kids, don’t get mad at life.  It doesn’t know what you know.

When you talk about your kids to strangers and you talk about a kid that’s never been to your home and they think you are crazy.  You aren’t.  Keep including “those” kids in with “these” kids.  They are all your kids.  They are all your own kids.

When you look around your home and plan for where they will sit, sleep, eat ….. you are normal.  They will be there one day.  They will be home.  They will be home.  They will be home.

When you try and plan vacations and you can’t because you don’t know what your life will look like, it’s okay.  Put off your vacations for them.  Vacations can wait.

When you don’t feel as though your heart can stand another day away from them, know that it can.  God is able to sustain you.  He is able to guide you.  He is able to hold your heart when you feel as though it can’t stand one more break.

Friends, I love you.  You are strong women and you will make it.  It will suck.  It will suck more than anything ever in your whole life.  You will feel alone, but you are not.

Keep loving your babies from wherever you are.

*I think this was my 3rd time to visit my babies (Sept 2008)

We got new photos of Joseph yesterday.

I am beyond thankful that he is in a safe and loving environment and being cared for by wonderful volunteers and nannies. I am thankful for his birth mom, who loved him so much, she put him in the arms of someone who could find him a family.

I’m thankful that some day, we’ll get to call Joseph son.

We visit him in exactly one month. In a month, and a few thousand miles, I’ll get to hold those chubby hands. I’ll get to snuggle his little body. I get goosebumps thinking about it.

The total cost of his adoption is $23,000. It’s easy to get caught up in the numbers. But when I look at his photos, the worry dissipates. I’m left only with an indescribable ache that maybe can only be defined as a parent’s love. It’s overwhelming and amazing.

Over the holiday season, we received some incredibly generous gifts from grandparents. We are now able to pay for our plane tickets. We planned for the trip by faith, and our amazing God provided through our loved ones.

When I look at the rest of our fees, my mind starts to spin. But deep down, I know people will step up to help. I know God will provide. Not for us. Not because of us.

For Joseph. Because of Joseph. Because he matters.